Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”
Our creator, God, knows all these seasons and times. Scripture tells us that before we are even born, he knows all the days of our lives. This takes on new meaning when you hold a baby in your arms and try to grasp how God already knows everything that will happen to them. Our limited minds cannot fully understand this depth of knowledge. As much as we want God to tell us what all those days are, we would be overcome if he showed us even part of them.
But what if you’re a woman who is still waiting and longing to be a mother and hold that baby in your arms? What if you’re begging God to create a child inside you so that you can steward those days of their life?
I don’t believe there is a thing on earth that can calm the storms in your heart as you grieve the baby that is not yet born. Earth is stained by our sin and tears. As long as we walk this broken ground, our desires will never be fully satisfied. There is no amount of convincing our mind to stop desiring what our heart is so desperate to have.
The witness of others who have walked a similar road can bring understanding and growth. You can cling to heaven’s promise as you put one foot in front of the other. These testimonies are from three women who have walked and are still walking in ultimate trust of their Savior.
Melissa shares: When we walk through seasons of waiting and longing, especially when it comes to building a family and having children, we have two choices. We can suffer alone and struggle, or we can press into Him, our Source and gain immeasurable blessings. We can seek strength and perspective from women who deeply know Him and can point us toward Him, and we can struggle well. When God takes us to that place of desperation, hoping and praying for a viable pregnancy or adoption match, He allows us to become desperate for Him. I gained such an intimacy with God and I'm forever changed. His ways are not my ways, but He provides through His Word, His people, His love for me, and His power. After coming through it and looking back, I realize that He blessed me so much more than I could ask or imagine because of how He showed Himself to me. His love is intense and He can be trusted to be faithful, no matter the outcome. Oh, how He loves us. The best advice I received during my years of infertility, both primary and secondary, was "Don't miss this opportunity to lean into God."
Makesa shares: A little backstory, my husband and I have been struggling with getting pregnant for 3 years. We have had 3 known miscarriages and I think many unknown chemical pregnancies. Through my journey over the last 3 years my faith has grown tremendously. The first miscarriage I was very mad at God asking him, “Why me, why did you let this happen to me?” I did not deal with it well at all. I didn’t deal with it well for years honestly. It changed me. I was bitter, angry and full of resentment towards God. After years of moving through that stage in my life I became hopeful again. I had a more positive outlook on life and on my situation, mostly due to my relationship with God changing. My relationship with God has grown abundantly in the last year. I have learned to lean on God even in my hardest battles. I can say I have joy in my affliction, and I am still happy. That only comes from God. I always wondered how someone could be happy through their struggles. I couldn’t understand why, Christians mainly, were so happy during the most difficult moments. I get it now. I have that and I can’t explain it, but it truly comes from God. His purpose for my life is to glorify Him and I get that now. I have had a complete heart change in the last year because God has changed me. It’s incredible and I will continue telling people about Jesus through my affliction. Our misery is our greatest ministry. I have hope in Christ for what he is doing in my life. I’m telling you, it only comes from Him, the fullness of His love.
Andrea and her husband waited for 15 years to have their son. He was an unexpected surprise without any fertility treatments. 3 years later she is pregnant with their 2nd child, another miracle surprise. Andrea says: The way our story has unfolded is so much better than anything I could’ve ever planned, and this wasn’t at all how we imagined our life going. But on this side of waiting, I can see the goodness of God so clearly every single time I look at my son. He was unexpected, but not unplanned because God already knew the exact moment he’d be born and exactly when we’d need him. I think through the waiting, I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter what I want or how hard I try to make something happen, if it’s not in the story God has written for us, or just not YET in the story, it’s not going to happen. What he has in store for us is infinitely better than anything we could ever write for ourselves.
Gather Moms is so thankful for the vulnerable witness of these women to the pain and joy they’ve found in their journey with infertility. We need the comfort, testimonies and God-stories of others to aid us in our own journey.
A prayer for each of you today…
Creator God, you alone are worthy of all honor and praise. We believe that your plan is good. Your ways are higher than our ways and we submit our longings to the perfect God who knows the desires of our hearts. We humbly ask that you establish the way for our sisters to become mothers. Open their wombs to carry the beating heart of baby. Open their hearts to welcome an adopted child to love and guide. Open their homes to steward a foster child who needs a safe haven of love and godly truth. There is no one way to be a mother. Your attributes of compassion, nurturing and wisdom are the origin of motherhood. You create that in us and allow us opportunities to lavish it upon those around us. We can gift our love of motherhood to all that cross our path. Give us eyes to see all the ways you’ve blessed us. Draw these women near to your heart and shower them with comfort and kindness. We ask for miracles in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.
If you’d like to talk more with someone who has journeyed in your shoes, please consider reaching out to Melissa Behne. Melissa has been married to her husband for 18 years and they are both music teachers. After 4 years of struggling to conceive, they went through several rounds of IUIs and IVF to conceive their son Caleb, now 6 years old. When Caleb was 3, they completed a year of IVF treatments and suffered 4 chemical pregnancy losses with no successful pregnancies. Following that year, Melissa helped lead 2 seasons of Shiloh, a bible study that ministers to women experiencing infertility and pregnancy loss.
Feel free to contact Melissa anytime – provide your name and phone number and she is more than willing to answer questions, pray, and lend support to anyone suffering with infertility. Email Melissa at Melissahbehne@gmail.com
